No excuses
Dazai didn’t, right ? A confused teen - a dangerous high-ranking mafioso, trying to get close to unveil the secrets he didn’t already one - a sad youth, trying to tie to himself those close to him in the desperate already abandoned hope he wouldn’t lose them. A hurting young man, angry, heartbroken, wishing for revenge and for any sliver of what he used to have, trying ti break himself further, trying to take him down with him so all three of them would be destroyed, done wiht, together once again, even through misery. It had never been about want. IT had never been about the love ango himself felt, threatening to rip him apart every time he remembered those days, and this new feeling now, looking at this man who had overcome every obstacle, who had made himself anew - this disaster of a man, always ready to give up with his false smile and his dark eyes, this one and only soul ango felt like he knew and understand in the sea of people who were always missing something. This man he felt like he met again every time for the first time, this ma who was the teen and the mafioso and the youth and the young man, his friend above all.
He loved him so. He wanted him, wanted to cross the distance and take him in his arms, touch him and kiss him. But. But. That had never been what Dazai needed from him. And it had never been what Dazai wanted, this love, this heart of his.
Right?
But in front of him - no matter what dazai-kun had wanted any of the previous time - it couldn’t be clearer.
Ango took the three steps, each feeling like they were changing the world around them, each a new terror that he would break what was most precious to him - this friendship, this man, this trust - he would not bear to lose him again, what if -
But before he even finished the third step, dazai closed the last of the distance.