He shouldn’t still be alive. It shouldn’t even be possible; he pushed his body way past all limits. Freeing Sasuke from the last of Orochimaru; staying alive long enough to grant him that bit of closure (not enough, not enough, not after what he did to him); that last, long walk, useless, pointless, but he wanted to see his foolish, beloved, little brother just one more time.
He doesn’t want to be alive, anyway. Every moment he remembers what it felt like to kill his own parents. He should have left immediately; there was no need to say goodbye to Sasuke, except he wanted him motivated to find strength. Enough strength that Danzou would never be able to touch him. That no one would ever be able to. (and he only pushed him into the arms of Orochimaru, into putting himself into positions of weakness in order to get more and more strength, and it wasn’t worth it. He wanted to die, yes, and he wanted Sasuke to have the glory and the liberation of killing him, yes, but. He put that before what Sasuke needed. He shouldn’t be alive)
He shouldn’t still be alive, thinks Sasuke, sitting at his bedside, looking at him. Itachi’s chakra is sealed; if he tried to use any of it now, it would kill him. His eyes are covered. There isn’t actually any way for him to know that Sasuke is here.
Sasuke remembers his tears that night, that painful, tortured expression before he finally left. He remember that last tender smile. He remembers Itachi’s warmth, every moment before the end; he remembers him calming his wrath for no other reason than he was here.
He wants to hold him. He wants to throw himself in his brother’s arms and resources himself there. He wants to kiss those hands covered in their parents’ blood. He loves his brother. A part of him always has; if he had, at any point, had the slightest hunch that Itachi still loved him, he wouldn’t have been able to kill him.
He wasn’t, anyway, in the end. Whether it was because he hold back because of love or because he hadn’t the capacity - he can’t judge that.
He’s just glad that Itachi miraculously survived. There are things he wants to ask; there are things he wants to say.
More than anything, though, he thinks Itachi should know that out of everything, the only thing he would never have forgiven him for is making him kill him.
“Nii-san…”
… he doesn’t remember the last time his voice was so soft.
Not entirely sure how it comes he’s allowed, Itachi closes his arm around his little brother. Sasuke seems to burrow against him, clinging to his shirt and setting his head down in his neck. Itachi suppress the shiver that runs through him when he feels his breath on his skin. It’s not the time for this. Still, he turns his head and press a kiss into Sasuke’s hair. Impossibly, Sasuke seems to press himself even closer against him. Itachi tightens his grip. With Sasuke being so openly, desperately affectionate, it feels like rejection to keep himself from showing the same level of care - to keep himself from showing his own right back. He holds Sasuke closer, let them fall backwards on the bed, lets Sasuke’s weight press him into it, lets himself drag him closer, as if there was any space left into them. This is his beloved little brother, and tears are coming to his eyes. It’s been so long since he’s been allowed to hold him close. Nose still buried in Sasuke’s, he whispers, ‘I love you, Sasuke’.
Against his neck, he feels the small smile Sasuke makes. The small kiss he presses against the skin here. When he then licks the skin, he doesn’t feel surprised, just hums and lets Sasuke fits between his legs. If Sasuke feels the physical reaction to their closeness Itachi can’t suppress, it doesn’t seem to bother him. ‘Nii-san…’
This is the voice of his beloved little brother. Itachi moves his hand to Sasuke’s head, caress his hair softly, turn his head towards him. Sasuke stops clinging, just enough to raise himself up slightly and meets his eyes. One second, before letting his eyes drifts downwars, going up again while his cheeks blush - but the gaze in his eyes is fierce and determined, and Itachi doesn’t have any defense in face of that.
He commits the sin himself, raising himself up and capturing Sasuke’s kiss, sucking on his brotehr’s lips, licking them, and Sasuke forces him down again,re-settles himself against him, and dive down in the kiss. He feels like he’s devoured; he refuses to hold back how much he wants to devour his brotehr, too.
He’s allowed. It’s something Sasuke wants too. He opens the door, silently, and Sasuke doesn’t seem to wake up. He’s less hiding his presence than not declaring it; even asleep, if he didn’t trust him totally, Sasuke should detect him. If he doesn’t, if he doesn’t wake up - it’s because his presence is trusted, accepted - desired. How it’s possible, after what he’s done to him, Itachi doesn’t understand. Even if Sasuke still loves him, even if he forgives him, shouldn’t it still have consequences? How is his little brother’s trust in him intact?
But it is. He closes the door behind him and approaches the bed. When he sits, Sasuke moves and seems to wake up; but Itachi murmurs ‘shh, it’s just me’ and Sasuke settles down, as if his subconscious mind still considers Itachi as a source of security. How? Itachi remembers attacked him, by two times, each leaving him catatonic. He certainly hasn’t forgiven himself, and he’s not sure he should forgive himself for what he’s about to do, or the things they’ve already done together. But he’s allowed; allowed to put his hand, softly, on Sasuke’s cheek, before slowly sliding it down, to his neck, to his chest, opening his night shirt and caressing Sasuke’s (his little brother’s, and teh thought is both shame and arousal) torso. He’s allowed. He traces the lines of his chest, on his stomach; fascinated, he put his mouth on his clavicle, licks and tastes the skin. He’s allowed; whatever he wants, it’s his. He climbs on the bed and takes Sasuke’s pants of. He swallows; before his eyes, his little brother, naked, asleep; the love of his life, the one whose loss would mean the loss of his sanity. He’s allowed to touch, to put his hand on one leg and drag it up, as he settles down between his thighs. He keeps the leg on his hips as he bends over Sasuke, holding himself above him with his arm on the side of Sasuke’s head. He lets his hand move up, touch his little brother’s cock. He feels like a monster; his breath is coming faster, as he can’t keep his arousal in control. He’s allowed. He reminds himself; both to keep the horror at bay and as pure elation. He wants this; he wants his little brother, he wants to have him, unaware and defenceless, and he’s allowed.
Sasuke doesn’t wake up even as he stroke him to full ardness, even when he starts preparing him with one, two, three lubed up fingers. Not when Itachi takes off his own pants, still eyes glued to Sasuke’s inconscient reactions. He strokes himself, lubes his own cock, and Sasuke, finally, as he lines himself up, so close to him, seems to resurface just as he’s about to be breached.
He doesn’t tense. His head turn towards him, eyes still half closed.
-Nii-san? What are you doing?
-Enjoying what’s mine.
This is night. It doesn’t seem right to speak loudly. He murmurs the words in Sasuke’s ear, and feels the shiver that goes through him. He wonders - does Sasuke regrets telling him he could do anything ? Did he misstep? But Sasuke doesn’t tense up; if anything, he seems even more relaxed now, and Itachi just slides in, Sasuke letting out a long moan as he’s filled.
Maybe, Sasuke might have had second thoughts. But in his big brother’s voice (and there’s no shame in tat thought, only a thrill, and Sasuke blames for that the years where ‘family’ was not a concept for him anymore; where he could not, would not think of Itachi as his brother. All his wires are crossed, and the relief of acknowledgin his brother again, of having Itachi’s love again - of the knowledge he always had it - mixes with those feelings of desire), what he hears, past the warm possessiveness and the teasing tone, is a question and a reassurance of his love, and there’s no doubt in his mind.
It is, after all, the truth he is Itachi’s. Itachi acting on it is its own joy, and Sasuke relishes it as he relishes the knowledge he could not escape the situation. He’s in his bed, unclothed, a bigger, stronger man above him - his brother, his adored big brother, Itachi, who has never left his thoughts and his heart - using his body, breathing on his ear and he can only moan, because every act is full of Itachi’s love, and this, this, sneaking into his room in the middle of the night, taking him without any overt care for his consciousness, his consent, just because he can, because he’s allowed - this is full of Itachi’s desire, and Itachi is groaning above him, filling him again and again, and Sasuke reaches out, grabs his hair, drags him close, finds his eyes.
He’s still moaning, and Itachi silents him with his mouth, invading him again, tongue mapping an already conquered territory, and Sasuke opens up - his mouth, his legs, his arms, his heart - and closes them around his brother, dragging him even closer, and Itachi’s rhythm accelerates, and he’s groaning “mine” in his mouth, and Sasuke is chanting “yes, yes, yes”, his head dropping backwards, Itachi latching onto his throat as he marks him inside. He stays, gowing softer as he circles Sasuke’s dick with one hand, taking him to completion after him, taking into his memory the expression on his little brother’s face. His sharingan is activated; Sasuke meets his eyes, and Itachi would think the reaction is bad, but Sasuke spends in his hand immediately.
Softly, Itachi’s withdraw. He looks at his hand, uncertain, before licking it clean. This spurs Sasuke on, and before he realizes, he’s the one on his back, a naked Uchiha above him, flames of desire in the eyes. Sasuke takes his hand, put it back to his mouth, and Itachi, as always defenceless when faced with his little brother’s fierceness, opens his mouth and finishes licking his fingers clean. Sasuke brings the hand to his lips, kisses softly the pad of his fingers before taking his mouth, chasing the taste with his tongue, right there in Itachi’s mouth, the proof of what they’ve done, what they’re still doing, Itachi letting him, Itachi taking him. When he backs off, there’s adoration on Itachi’s face, and Sasuke can’t believe his luck, his happiness, but this is life now.
He brings his hand up, caressing Itachi’s face. He’s less assured than he’d like to be, when he says “You’re mine, too, you know?”
The softness of Itachi’s expression doesn’t change when he answers: “Always.”
“I’ve won, little brother”.
The smile on Itachi’s lips is hungry while he watches where he managed to tie him up. His brother looks at him, furious, struggling in the binds. It’s alluring, Itachi admits to himself.
“Maybe” (oh, so competitve, this adorable little brother of his) “what do you intend to do with me then?” the tone is defiant, the gaze fiery. Itachi swallows, stalks closer, looms over Sasuke, one hand on the wall by his head, the other hovering over his chest (Orochimaru is lucky to be dead, for having dared dress his little brother like that.). He bends his head near Sasuke’s ear, whispers “oh, I have so many ideas”. He’s sure Sasuke can feel his breath; he can hear the hitch in his. “I‘m sure”, he continues, “that you will enjoy them”
From the way Sasuke’s body arches towards him before Sasuek gets himself under control enough to glare at him, he certainly will.
Fondness overwhelm him. He smiles, cups his hands around his little brother’s face and touches his forehead with his. “Sasuke” he whispers - and Sasuke melts, taking the offered kiss himself.
It’s not that he doesn’t want to, though he wouldn’t know how to admit even to himself he wants to. BUt he also can’t lie (refuses to, brke himself so he couldn’t) lie to Sasuke. (somewhere else, in another universe, both bleaker and birghter, anotehr him can only watch and remember his own lies, his own life, his own brother)
He made that promise and can’t break it; is physically unable to break it. He can lie to himself all that he wants; that he doesn’t want to, that all he feels at the idea is horror, that he wants Sasuke to forget about it entirely; but he can’t lie to Sasuke, and so he can’t say any of it. No promise (no control) is strong enough to make him say a truth he doesn’t admit to himself, and so no words pass his lips.
Sasuke watches on, and sighs.
-It’s okay. There’s no need to answer.
“Have you been training me to kill you??!!!”
Somewhat embarrassed: “That wasn’t - the only goal? Or even the primary goal?”
More sternly: “Regardless of how you choose to use your skills, I want you able to protect yourself, Sasuke.”
Yeah, that sure was his older brother. And that sure was Natsuko, and suddenly he couldn’t believe he hadn’t seen it sooner. Before he could stop himself, he felt tears slid down his cheeks
“Sasuke?” and that was so obviously concern and oh, this was too much.
“Nii-san…” C’est le dernier mot de Sasuke avant de s’évanouir. Même au moment du réveil, il n’oubliera pas cette dernière image de son frère, les larmes et la douleur dans son regard. Il n’en dira rien à personne.
Il n’oublie pas, non plus, les dernières instructions de son frère. Il ne peut toutes les suivre; même avec la torture infligée par le tsukuyomi, même avec la certitude qu’Itachi a tué leurs parents et leur clan, il ne peut maintenir aucune haine face à la peine qu’il a vu en lui. Mais le reste - vit, devient fort, trouve-moi et tue-moi, obtiens les mêmes yeux que moi - eh bien, cuex là aussi ne sont pas tous possibles, mais au moins. Devenir fort. Trouver Itachi.
Les années passent. Sasuke retrouve comment activer son Sharingan. Tout ce qu’il voit ainsi, il s’en souvient. Les larmes de son frère, donc, il ne doutera pas, mais. Mais. Peu à peu il comprend qu’il n’était pas censé les voir.
La douleur reste là, au fond de son coeur. Ses parents sont morts. Toute sa famille, tout le clan a disparu. Itachi l’a abandonné, avec ses mensonges et la seule certitude que, quelque part, son frère souffre encore.
Un jour, on lui demandera de se présenter. ‘IL y a quelqu’un qu’il faut que je retrouve”, dira-t-il, bien que cela ne soit que la version simplifiée de son but. Le trouver, le forcer à admettre la vérité, choisir qu’en faire, le trouver, le sauver.
Mais ça il ne peut pas le dire. Qui croirait les mots d’un enfant de sept ans, qui a juste vu la mort de ses parents? Si ce n’était pour la mémoire du Sharingan, Sasuke lui-même douterait de ce qu’il a vu.
Souvent, la nuit, il va dans la chambre de ses parents et tente de trouver le sommeil, comme s’ils étaient encore là pour le protéger. Quand il brûle de l’encens pour eux, il demande, à chaque fois, s’ils lui pardonnent pour son refus de les venger.
Parfais, le soir, il va dans la chambre abandonnée de son frère et pleure. Il n’y a pas d’autel pour les vivants. Il ne peut pas prier et dire à son frère combien il lui manque. Pour ça, il faudra le trouver.
Dans tous les univers, après cette nuit, le coeur de Sasuke ne fait que répéter le prénom de son frère. Ici, au moins, il sait que son coeur ne parle qu’avec amour.
He could choose, without a doubt. HE could. He even knows what choice he would make (his brother, of course, always). But he remembers that long ago conversation, and he takes a second look. This year has been so long. He’s tired. Surely, his options are larger than this. Surely, he doesn’t have to be alone in this.
And when he comes down to it, he’ll choose Sasuke. Of course.
Itachi looks fondly at the sleeping boy clinging to him. His little brotehr is adorable; he softly brushes his hair aside, and Sasuke nuzzles it.
-Nii-San…
He sleeps on, as Itachi feels so much love it’s painful. Somewhere, their parents are waking up, devoid of eyes. Most of the clan is dead. Danzo is dead. Madara had something of a breakdown in the middle of teh massacre, and decided to interrupt Itachi adn his parent’s last farewell.
He can go home. He could. But Sasuke is smiling in his sleep, and Itachi - Itachi wants neither of them to have anything to do with a ninja’s life; and now, without a clan to protect them, Konoha isn’t safe to them.
Il y aurait probablement d’autres choix. Peut-être. Mais pour Obito, à ce moment-là, tout semblait subitement clair.
Peut-être était-ce dû à la visite de Kakashi à la stèle ce matin. Peut-être Obito ne pouvait pas, ce jour-là, ignorer qu’il surva=eillait Kaakshi plus que nécessaire. Tujours ets-il qu’il s’interrompt en plein massacre.
Il ne veut pas tuer le clan. Il ne veut pas détruire Konoha. Il ne veut pas trahir la mémoire de Rin. Il ne veut pas blesser et mentir à Kakashi. Il ne veut pas manipuler Itachi et Sasuke.
Ce monde est peut-être un enfer. Mais. Mais. Il refuse de l’empirer.
They’re wrestling, laughing, not taking it seriously. Sasuke is just glad to feel health in his brotehr’s movement, and Itachi is happy that Sasuke is somehow wanting him back in his life.
Most of the time, all the love in teh world can’t overcame the shadow oftheir parents’ death. Evrythign hurts, seeing each otehr urts, and lovving each other just makes the wrongness of what he did stand out more starkly.
But sometimes it’s this, limbs tangling and each one trying to win over the other. So, when Sasuke pins him down, Itachi looks up and smiles and relaxes.
Sasuke’s ips presses on his without warning. His eyes widens. That’s - it feels good. Suddenly all his senses are in overdrive; the pressure from Sasuke’s body; their sweat mingling; the way his little brother’s eyes are screwed sut; the determination and hesitance in teh way Sasuke’s lips move against his. EVerything tenses. Above his head, Sasuke holds his wrists down as if it could truly trap him. He could - he could push him away. He should. Part of him doesn’t want to say no to Sasuke about anything, ever; part of him is ready to sacrifice anything to keep Sasuke from what’s bad for him; part of him knows he has hurt Sasuke so much, he has no right to refuse him anthing, part of him knows he has no right to touch him.
It feels good. He wants more. He wants to keep Sasuke safe. He’s trying to take a decision, but one of hand of Sasuke’s brush against his pulse point as his tongue brush his lips, and for on moment he can’t think. He wants this.
Itachi could escape, Sasuke knows that, but he’s probably too shocked to. Sasuke curses himself; he’s going to lose his brotehr again. Maybe he shouldn’t have put him at the center of his world; now everything is twisted, and what he feels for his brother can’t fit into any boxes. He kisses him, not knowing much about such activities. But it’s teh only time. Sooner or later Itachi will push him away and leave, and he’ll never see him again.
He takes one of his hands off Itachi’s wrists,, sucks on his brotehr’s bottom lip, touches his cheek, his hair - the struggle left his hair somewhat disheveled but not comeplety; he takes off his elastic and brushes against itachi’s neck.
Itachi startles against him, his lips opening - again - and this time Sasuke doesn’t hesitate, slips his tongue inside, and then - Iatchi is not under him anymore. Before he can ever notice, his brotehr frees his hand and flips them off - without breaking the kiss.
He’s the one pressed against the floor now, his brotehr’s tongue in his mouth, his borther hand taking one of his and the other on his face, in his hair.He opens his eyes in surprise; Itachi’s gaze is narrowed and fixd on him as his tongue maps him, his teeth, his lips, brushes against his tongue. The hand on his face slips down, takes his leg and put it around Itachi’s hip, and
And itachi separates their lips, eyes still fixed on him and thrust downards .
It’s - it’s more than Sasuek knows how to deal with. He wants - he wants his brotehr. This feels good. There are moans trapped in his throat, and he doesn’t know hwo to stop look into itachi’s eyes, as he presses their forehead togethr and his breath brush his mout. Sasuek inhales - the air that gets out from his brother’s lungs, and teh thoguht makes everything that much more intense.
He knows he’s arching his hips into Itachi’s, seeking mroe contact even as he’s starting to panic - he wants mroe and he wants to stop and and he wants Itachi to kiss him again right now -
- Niisan -
He starts, with no idea what he’s going to plead for (except for itachi not to leave, not again, to stay forever)
Itachi seems to knwo when he takes hi mouth again, softly and hungrily both, letting the hand he’s still holding go, . Sasuke - pust on his brother’s head, drags himself closer.
If Itachi wants this, so does he.
Itachi didn’t really make any decision beyond holding Sasuke. Not until something like reluctance started happenign in Sasuke’s rzactions. He knows - he knwos he’s the one escaladating the situation. He should slow this down. Calm them down. Talk about what they’re doing. How far they want to go. But he can smell and taste his little brotehr, who he had to live without for too long, and it’s screwing with him. He tries, instead, to give Sasuke some outs.
Not any real ones; that would mean to stop kissing him, to stop overwhelming him with touches and looks and kisses and his mere presense. he’s so, himself, unable to think of anything but Sasuke in his arms. He took so much from him already. He shouldn’t take the rets - but
But when he sits up on his feet dragging Sasuke up on his lap, making sure Sasuke is not pinned down anymore, is not trapped by his arms, his brotehr follows and plasters himself against him, slipping his hand under his shirt, and.
Well. Sasuke is not kissing like someone who has kissed many people before. Or anyone. Itachi’s experience is not that much bigger. But he lets his hand slids down, down on his ass, and presses against his half hard dick? And moans as he thinks about he wants to do. About what he is going to do, if Sasuek doesn’t stop him.
His beautiful, inoccent, unspoiled little brotehr - Itachi fully intends to take his virginity.
The kiss stops - Sasuke is panting. Itachi brushes his lips on his cheek, towards hisear, and puffs a small bretah on it. Sasuek shudders. Itachi can feel against his amdomen, that Sasuke is mroe than half hard. He puts his head down in sasuke’s should, and turns towards his neck, kisses and suck the skin there, holding Sasuke as close as he can, his own hands below teh shirt too now.
-Sasuke - do you want this?
Sasuke only pants inresponse. Itachi thrusts upward a little.
-i Need an answer, Sasuke. I’m not going to - do this without your explicit consent.
Sasuke - lovely, charming little brother, too young for this, certainly, barely twenty, infinetely young in Iatchi’s eys, how can he even think of this, how can he notice the skin and the muscles and the grace and - is still wriggling on his lap, and Itachi is gtting harder.
Suddenly his hadn is his hair, grabbing dragging his gaze up. Sasuke, panting, almost moaning, but stiill, soo fierce as their eyes meet
-do YOU want this, Itachi? Or are you just giving me what i want?
Itachi huffs a laugh. He thinks his act, his reactions should speak loud enough. But, so.
-The only thing keeping me from ravishing you rigt now, little brotehr, is that i don’t know how you would take having your big brother’s cock in yrou ass.
Yes. THat’s what eh’s thinkign right now. That’s what he’s thinkign alone at night, taht’s what he’s thinking about on his rare encounter. THis. Sasuke on his lap, blushing, sweaty andexcited, looking at him with dark eyes. Sasuke in his bed. His own little brotehr, whom he wants to knwo every pleasure on earth, wants to make him feel good, wants.
But maybe, if he really wanted to give Sasuke an out, maybe he shouldn’t have made it sound liek a challenge.
-I want this. I want this, nii san.
Ok. Ce n’est pas ce qui était prévu.
La mission avait pourtant bien commencé - un problème en soi, mais Kisame laisse toujours Itachi faire, and toquer à la porte plutôt que l’ouvrir diretement, confirmer l’identité du jinchuriki et lui demander de les accompagner plutôt que de l’emmmener de force leur ont faire perdre du teps. Peut-être assez pour que Jiraiya les trouve. Donc, jusque là, les chocses se passaient comme prévu. Du moment qu’il ne laisse pas Kisame mettre à execution sa menace de oucper les jambes du garçon -
Et à ce moent, les pensées d’Itachi s’arrêtent avant même qu’il commentce à chercher une excuse pour éviter ça. Kisame et le jinchiriki do konoha s’effacent de son esprit en un instant. Tout ce qu’il sait, tout ce qu’il ressent, le seul centre de son attention, c’est la présence qu’il sent derrière lui.
Grand dieu, que sont petit frère lui a manqué.
La mission avait bien commencé. Itachi l’a déjà oublié.
Mais il ne peut oiublier l’autre mission, la plus importante - faire en sorte que Sasuke reste en sécurité. Donc, il a un rôle à tenir.
-Cela faisiat longtemps, Sasuke.
Il ne se retourne pas. Il a besoin d’une seconde de plus pour lui faire face, pour voir son visage, pour observer commment il a grandi - et le délai ne lui coutera rien. Il semblera juste qu’il n’attache pas assez d’importance à Sasuke pour lui faire face.
Mais la voix qui lui répond n’a pas le ton auquel il s’attendait.
-Nii-san … PArdon, je n’ai pas pu suivre tes instructions.
L’hésitation, l’incertitude, et l’absence de haine dans la voix de son petit frère - Ce n’est pas ce uqi était prévu.
Itachi ne veut vraiment, vraiment pas se retourner. Mais, il semblerait, que cela le fasse apparaitre comme effryé, et bien que ce soit vrai - parce que c’est vrai - il ne peut pas se le permettre.
C’est juste la vérité. Cette nuit-là, avant de s’enfuir, Itachi lui a donné des instructions. Mais Sasuke, hanté par le souvenir de ces larmes, n’a pas pu suivre la première.
Itachi lui a manqué, terriblement. En dépit de tout son admiration et sa détermination de le suivre et le surpasser, Sasuke lui a désobéi. Il ne veut pas le décevoir; mais plus encore, il refuse de le haïr.
Donc il doit se retourner. Son visage reste impassible quand il dévisage Sasuke. En dépit de tout bon sens, Sasuke croise son regard, honnête et franc.
-Tu m’as dit de te haïr, mais je ne peux pas.
He throws himeslf at him and hide his face in his chest. Above all - he loves and believes in his brother. Bu even like that - he’s trembling. Despite feeling from the bottom of his soul that Itachi would not do what he did, would not hrut him, he also knows he did. And he doesn’t know why. He believes, he knows, from the part deep inside where his soul connects with his brotehr’s, that Itachi didn’t want any fo what happened. That Itachi suffered. But his brotehr is a liar, and since Sasuke doesn’t know why he lied, why he did what he did, why he hurt him, killed their parents, he can’t know what he will and whta he won’t do.
But he loves him. So he holds on tight, trembling, hiding his face. He trembles because he’s scared of Itachi. He holds on because no one here can protect him but his brotehr’s love. He hides because he knows he’s going to lose, and he doesn’t want to see it coming.
He lvoes Itachi. He ctaches that thoguht, centers himself around it. STeels himself, lets go. He’ll face whatever his broethr will do, and when it’s over, once more, he’ll look him in theyes and will tell him, with no lies, taht he still loves him. Will always love him.
That’s a truth that he can stand on. He lets go and raises his head.
For weeks now Itachi has been stressed past all tolerance, and earlier tonight there was a spike of misery followed by such a determination that the stress disppeared. Sasuke only got flashes through the bond (is his big brother blocking it intentionally? It feels like he should get more), “including your little brother” “..spared - “ - he wishes he could have seen who was talking to Itachi like that.
Right now, though, what he’s feeling - seeing -
The previous flashes of blood were nothing compared to that. Despair and the same determination. Their parents’ voices. He can almsot feel the blade in his hands, as he’s running through the compound, ignoring the bodies - his parents are still alive, it’s not too late to save his family, at least - that terrible determination is wavering, maybe -
“You really are a kind child” and Itachi is crying, but his determination is reaffirmed, and Sasuke - Sasuke has no idea what he is sending, himself, through the bond, and he’s too late, he just got home. He crumbles and cries. He doesn’t have the strength to go see his parents’ corpses. He can’t see his soulmate either, his heart is breaking. That he knows, without a doubt, that Itachi’s heart is just as broken makes it all worse.
The bond is closing. Whatever happens next, he will only have they slightest hints to make sense of it.
He doesn’t want to know. He doesn’t want to hear whatever lies Itachi will tell him. So, while there’s still time, liek he suspects Itachi is doing three tooms away, he puts himself together and dries his tears. Then, not seeing any paper and pen close enough, he pricks his finger with a kunai and write on the wall.
“I love you. Good bye”